Jared Padalecki’strain story”; BosCon 2011 — in which Jared stops an entire train system in Amsterdam so no one will see his wife’s underwear.

So this is pretty much the best 13 minutes and 50 seconds of…ever. I want so badly to transcript the whole thing, but holy fuck, that would take ages, so have some of the best quotes:

“So the door shut, so I push the open button. And I push the open button. And I push the open button…and the door’s not opening. … So I push the close button—I dunno.”

“By the way, worst thing is, it’s Gen’s bag. So it’s not even like it’s my bag, with sweaty t-shirts. It’s Gen’s, and she brought some nice dresses, for dinner, and stuff like that. Whatever women do. Shoes? I still haven’t figured it out.”

“My heart’s beating right now. I guess that’s good, but I mean it’s beating fast.”

“There’s a little plate of glass, with an ‘emergency do not push’ and one of those movie-style red buttons behind the plate of glass. And so I punch through the glass. And I push the ‘do not push button’ button.”

“Everybody’s looking at the giant, scary, sweaty man—me—who just stopped the train.”

“Someone’s got a gun, I’m having a heart attack, my wife is giving birth, I’m giving birth.”

“And she goes, ‘…you pushed the emergency button because…your wife’s bag is on the platform?’ And I say, ‘Um. Yes.’ She goes, ‘You can’t push the ‘do not push’ button because your wife left her bag on the platform.’ And I go, ‘Ma’am, I’m very sorry; I didn’t realize it would stop the train.’ And she goes, ‘You didn’t stop the train. You stopped all the trains.”

“Now some other guy is there, and looks at me and goes, ‘This is going to be very expensive.’ And I was like, ‘Okay, we’ll figure that out, but in the mean time, in all honesty, I don’t want my wife’s most prized possessions to be destroyed. And I don’t want someone to look at her underwear.’”

“And I go and I sit down next to Gen, and I go, ‘Baby. If this is a hundred and fifty thousand euros, I’m just going to run. I love you, I have my phone, I’ll be in Europe.’ … And she was like, ‘Yeah, you are.’”

“And I kept on trying to say ‘eh’ a lot, so I seemed Canadian.”

(via isupportahooker)

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