i don’t have to explain myself to you
Mr. Krabs (via ...
there is no one expecting dick to taste good though. i’ve never ever once met a cis dude paranoid about his genitals tasting...
Clint/Coulson, #26 Elevator Meeting (with a twist)
Phil trudged into the lobby of his apartment building, nodding politely to Mrs. Lebowitz who was standing by the collection of mailboxes, swaddled in her quilted house-coat as always, and then shuffled inside the elevator as soon as the doors began to slide open.
Wearily, he pressed the 11th floor button and slouched back against the wall, doing his best to ignore the rail digging low into his back. The elevator stopped on the third floor, and Phil made a minimal effort to straighten up, only to blink in confusion when the doors parted and a scruffy yellow lab was the only passenger to join him in the elevator.
The dog trotted into the center of the car, turned in a few circles, then plopped down on his rump facing the doors.
Phil regarded the dog bemusedly for the rest of the short ride to the 11th floor. When the elevator came to a smooth halt and the doors parted, Phil stepped forward, but the dog made no move.
"Not your floor, buddy?" Phil asked. The dog yipped and kept his seat. Chuckling, Phil stepped past and patted the dog’s head. He held his hand out in front of the door to keep it from closing, then systematically began pushing floor buttons until the full panel was lit. He exited the elevator, calling back, "Good luck!" The doors closed a moment later, the dog’s tail beating against the floor happily.
It starts out innocently enough. But then, don’t these things always do?
Sam steps back from the blender, twisting his torso and blindly reaching out for the for the plastic cup he left on the syrup counter, when the new guy, Steve, yelps behind him and calls out, “Careful! On your left!” Sam drops his arm just in time to avoid the frothing milk sloshing over the edges of the metal pitcher as he bumps into Steve and jostles him.
Sam turns and checks, “You good?” Steve nods. Sam grabs the cup he was going for and pours the frappucino, tops the blended coffee with a hearty helping of whipped cream, drops the drink off at the pick-up counter, and swings around on his pass back through the prep area to collect the mop.
And that’s that.
Except then it starts to become a thing. Sam’s not sure if Steve’s just decided to constantly ere on the side of caution or if he keeps doing it looking to tick Sam off. If he is, it’s damn well close to working.
"On your left," Steve chirps when he slips his arm around Sam to grab a cup from the stack.
"On your left," Steve greets when Sam opens the shop, sidling up to him as Sam struggles with the key that always gets stuck when you try to pull it back out and handing him a glazed donut from the Krispy Kreme at the other end of the strip.
"Yeah, I know," Sam interrupts him when he’s mopping the floor, Steve moving chairs and tables out of the way. "You’re on my left." Steve grins and Sam rolls his eyes.
Sam loiters outside the theater, lazily scanning the faces in the crowd in search of Steve. It’s nearly showtime, but this place always runs a good ten minutes of previews before starting the movie, so he’s not worried about missing anything yet. Still, when a guy asks him out on a date, it’s a definite strike when said guy doesn’t even meet up with him on time.
Sam turns his head to check the red digital clock over the ticket window: only a minute to go. He’s debating just heading in by himself, screw Steve and the ticket he already got for him, when someone comes up behind him and says, “On your left.”
Fighting the dual urge to scowl and grin, Sam pivots and does his best to glare. “You’re lucky you’re cute, dude.”
Steve smiles, that innocent one that’s probably gotten him out of grand theft auto or some shit, and pats the bulging pockets of his jacket. “Sorry, I had to load up with candy. I even got you some Mint Cookie Dough Bites.”
Sam just continues to stare him down, deadpan.
"Plus, I managed to fit a can of soda in my pants pocket," Steve adds proudly.
Sam snorts and starts for the entrance. “And here I was thinking you were just happy to see me.”
Steve falls in quickly with his longer stride and slings his arm up over Sam’s shoulder. “Always.”
This is so cute and wonderful! I love Steve being cheeky, and Sam both rolling his eyes at it and finding it endearing. Yessss, perfect.
MAX WAS SO GOOD AND I’M STILL CRYING AND NO BECAUSE NO JASPER WASN’T AND HE WOULDN’T AND HE DIDN’T SO NO MOTHERFUCKERS NO
wasn’t he great
like I’ve never really seen him in anything else but damn that man has some acting chops on him
A+ casting right there
Jasper is on vacation with Victoria and Blake (not TAHITI) and they are all competing to see who gets better first
"I got hit by a truck, I think I win," Jasper announces.
"Technically. You technically got hit by a truck. It doesn’t count of Spider-Man eased most of the blow,” Felix corrects him, shifting uncomfortably. “I got my ribs caved in by Deathlok before Agent May thought it prudent to stop him from stomping on me any further.”
"What do you think, Vic?" Jasper asks, looking over at the third member of their little party.
"I think you shouldn’t ever dare call me ‘Vic’ if you want to avoid being tossed into traffic again," Victoria says flatly, "and that you’re both behaving like babies."
"Do you have any idea what it’s like pretending to be one of them? And then getting thrown into a semi for your troubles?” Jasper says.
"About as much fun as trying to root out all the HYDRA operatives under my command, I would imagine," Victoria points out. "Before being shot and left for dead by them."
"Oh, which reminds me: fuck you, Sitwell," Felix says, squinting against the glare of the sun. "I honestly thought you were one of them."
"That was the whole damn point,” Jasper answers. “And fuck you for being too perceptive for your own good. Why do you think Garrett had Deathlok trying to kill you?”
"Will you two be kissing now or later?" Victoria asks, lowering her shades over her eyes.
"You did not just go there.”
"I wouldn’t kiss Sitwell if my life depended on it."
"…wait, why the fuck not? I’m a great kisser!"
"Oh, don’t go getting offended."
"No, we’re settling this. Let me kiss you."
"Clearly we need to ask them to tone down your pain killers."
"Alright, fine, I’m coming over there."
"What? No. Sitwell, you—Jasper stay the hell away from me.”
"Babies," Victoria sighs, leaning back in her recliner as the two men continue to bicker. Of all the people to be stuck on an island paradise with, it would be them.
Well, at least they’re entertaining to watch.
we have all read fanfiction that we shouldn’t have
just a few favorite tags
just open up tag viewer on this post and settle in with a snack cause ain’t nobody sleeping tonight, friends
installing tag viewer for this was the best decision i ever made